Michael Kelly
On the subject of Golf, I used to play an 18 hole Course in California City, Ca. that was an 18 Hole Course, and being in a desert clime, had its share of Ground Squirrels friendly little animals, but they borrow their own litle homes on Golf Courses because of the abundance of grass, and other Foliage that Golfers expect on a Golf Course. A friend of mine, Steve Blankenbiller, (yes, he is German) was driving the ball on the 16th Hole, which was on the last 3 holes heading towards the Club House, headed East. This was a 425 yard Par Four, and had its share of the cute little Ground Squirrels with their little Dens sprinkled on places where there was some extra vegetation. One was standing about 100 yards away from our Tee Box where we would start the hole with our Drives. Steve was teed up, and practiced his rather unorthodox swing, that was a swinging back, and then doing a double kind of a dip for want of a better description, and usually on the second dip he would then bring the club forward towards the teed up ball, and give it a very good thwack, and he could really get ahold of it when he hit it 'Square on the Screws" as the Scottish say, when one hits the Driver well. Wihout a doubt, Steve really got all he could muster on this particular Drive, the Crack of Club hitting Ball was loud, like a Gunshot, and the ball went in a low flying straight line to our observing Friendly Little Ground Squirrel. I watched the Ground Squirrel with dismay, and shock because that Squirrel's Little Rodent Face went from innocence to Shock, and a split second later, Steve's Ball landed Square in the Ground Squirrel's midsection, and it was similar to a Scene from the Movie "Tombstone" the ball hit the Squirrel so hard it knocked the Squirrel backwards, where it lay for just a split second writhing in pain, its tiny paws clutching the Golf Ball, then it let out a very high pitched Squeal that almost sounded like it said "You Got Me" and dove into its little home, probably expiring shortly thereafter.
"STEVE, YOU'VE MURDERED THAT GROUND SQUIRREL, YOU ANIMAL, BRUTE, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, GROUND SQUIRREL KILLER" I used this to destroy the Might of his Drives off the Tee, for he could sometimes outdrive me for distance, and every psychological advantage was necessary to disrupt a fellow competitior. I should have got him a Tee Shirt that said 'GSM" FOR GROUND SQUIRREL MURDERER. But I am too Cheap for such Theatrics.
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